I’m in an abusive relationship with The Walking Dead. No matter how many times it hurts me I just keep coming back. I guess the same could be said for AMC though since their latest ratings stunt really was a big old middle finger to the people who have been watching this show since the beginning. Yeah you may have put one over on me, but I’ll have a hard time trusting you again. So don’t expect me to care when you start plugging Daryl’s departure or the death of Negan or something.
I’ll admit that I was kind of okay with how the season started. It was still pretty slow, but things got just a little bit more interesting than they’d been the last few seasons. Maggie is executing people, Michonne is sneaking out at night to kill zombies, and there are a ton a Saviors around still just waiting to die. It wasn’t great, but neither was it endless hours of crying and gesticulating. I don’t care about all the different groups trying to learn to live together any more than I care about how Rick and Michonne are raising Judith. There’s been a herd on the move, and we finally get to see the survivors dealing with zombies again. I’m gonna throw out some spoilers here so be warned. I’m not going to go over the whole episode or even give a blow by blow of how he went out, but we will talk about what happened at the end.
In the past few years we’ve gone from The Speeching Dead to The Weeping Dead, and now we’ve arrived at The Fucking Dead. As in: everyone seems to be getting it on. Gabriel is not only alive for no good reason, but is knockin boots with the former leader of the garbage people settlement, Jadis (or Anne, or who cares). There are so many characters that you sometimes forget that certain old timers are still there. Although, it’s fairly easy to forget Gabriel when he’s not on screen whining and making me want him to die. Anyhoo Carol is also gettin some lovin, but not from Daryl (give it up shippers). She’s hooked up with the former leader of The Kingdom, Ezekiel. Maggie is traveling around with a new Asian guy that she isn’t fucking yet, but he looked enough like Glenn that she could probably pretend if she tried hard enough. And Daryl…is still getting nothing. Maybe it’s finally time for that shower buddy.
All this sexiness isn’t why I tuned back in though. I came back for the highly publicized departure of Rick. It was announced before the current season even started filming that it would be Andrew Lincoln’s last. I think if the show had any balls it would have killed him off years ago, but they didn’t ask my opinion. So obviously my first thought was “about damn time!” quickly followed by wondering how they were going to kill him off. The first disappointment is my own fault since they never said he would die. I just kind of wanted to see it happen. The previous week’s episode ended with Rick fighting Daryl only to not get fatally wounded. A zombie horde was approaching so the fellas split up only for Rick not to get eaten by said horde. Then Rick’s horse throws him onto a piece of re-bar and he doesn’t die. He was pretty hurt though so that was looking like that was what would finally bring him down. A piece of re-bar in the zombie apocalypse kills a man who once tore a guy’s throat out with his teeth. The preview for the “final episode” showed him slowly limping away from zombies so I kept hope alive that I’d see him get eaten at last. He spends forever limping away from the zombies only to arrive at the bridge he’s spent the last several episodes trying to rebuild. Only once all his friends arrive at the shore does he blow the thing up. While this may seem like a fairly heroic end it is robbed of all power by his being found alive by Jadis as she’s on her way to meet up with the mystery helicopter guys. He was almost dead before he blew himself up, but he survives all that and wakes up a pretty short time later to find himself being healed. I call bullshit on this show about the zombie apocalypse!
Well played AMC. You got me to tune in to watch Rick die only for him not to die at all. Dicks. Not only that, but on The Talking Dead that came on after you announced that Rick will appear in special features so that we can find out what happens to him after he’s whisked away to safety. Let me guess, he’s not safe at all and is just with a new group of dangerous people he’ll have to cry at. Hooray! So he’s not really gone, and part of this let down is our own fault. In none of the marketing did they say he was going to die or that you’d never see him again. Technically they weren’t lying when they said it would be his final episode. It’s just a dick move to jerk us around like this. I know that there are plenty of people out there who still love and watch this show religiously so I’m betting they’re all a whole lot more pissed off than I am right now. I’m not mad, but I will not be fooled into caring about what’s happening on this show again.
I may watch, but at this point it’s really only to see where they take it from here. I might not even be doing that much if the end of the episode hadn’t shown that we’re getting another time jump. I was not going to sit still for the rest of the season watching everyone cry over Rick’s supposed death, but ugly little Judith is apparently going to grow up to be a cute sheriff-hat-wearing badass. I’ll give it a chance, but you won’t catch me getting my hopes up again. In the end I kind of just want to know what the hell that hat is made of. That thing has been through the wringer. How is it still in one piece? They need to build all of their defenses and body armor out of whatever kind of felt that is.
I hate when once great shows slowly fade into boring obscurity. That’s one big thing the Brits have over us. They know when to end a show. It’s usually before you’ve become resentful of it. Thank god the DVR will let me skip boring parts of the show. So from here on out I expect each episode will only take me about 20 minutes to watch. Unless something truly crazy or mind-bending happens you won’t be hearing from me about The Walking Dead for a long time. So I guess I’ll talk to you guys when I’m covering the Daryl’s Death Riots for the site.