Game of Thrones is Coming

I don’t know about you guys, but I’m getting pretty impatient for the last season of Game of Thrones. There are only a few long months to wait, but I can’t seem to find any real facts about what’s coming up. The cast is keeping quiet, and they’re even filming fake scenes to keep leakers from leaking. Telling me that what’s coming will make the Battle of the Bastards seem like nothing doesn’t help. Personally, I thought Hardhome was a better fight, but I guess Peter Dinklage disagrees. Maybe I only prefer Hardhome because it looks like what would happen if the cover of a metal album came to life. Regardless, I can’t stand all this waiting without even a hint of what I’m waiting for. So in the face of no facts I thought I’d bring you some hardcore nerd conjecture. The only real spoilers are for a book that isn’t (and may never be) out yet. Either you’re already up to speed or you only watch the show and don’t care about the books.

got_group.0Back in the olden days I could have given you book-related conjecture, but it seems like that will never happen again. The Winds of Winter may never come out, but I did read a lot of the teaser chapters. They were of no help when trying to figure out what the 8th season will bring. The show has gone so far off book that several characters in the preview chapters aren’t alive or never even appeared on the show. They were nice to have, but of little use in my current situation. They were also nicer to have a few years ago when I still believed that a new book would eventually come out. To keep you from having to dig (or download the Song of Ice and Fire app to read them all. I didn’t do that I just found each one as they came out. Reddit holes are good for something after all) here’s what the teasers gave me:

Theon being held captive by Stannis outside of Winterfell. Well that’s not going to happen. Stannis is long dead in the show by now. I still don’t care about book Theon anymore than I care about show Theon. Redemption blah blah blah…

Arianne Martell trying to maneuver a fake Targaryen boy into power. She’s Doran Martell’s daughter, but he’s dead in the show too. If you’re only watching the show then this crap means even less to you than it does to me. And we got not one, but two chapters of this uselessness. Oh, and I still say fuck Dorne.

Victarion and Aeron Greyjoy also have their own chapters, but just like that Dornish shit you don’t know or care unless you’ve read the books. I like Victarion, and in the Aeron chapter he’s being tortured by the newest show bad guy Euron. The Greyjoy family is both better and at the same time worse in the books.

Barristan Selmy is “show dead” so having him help Danaerys make battle plans in Slaver’s Bay just reminds me how wrong it is that they killed him off.

The Tyrion chapter has him enslaved to some jerks planning to invade Meereen. One thing that season 7 of the show got perfectly right was getting us the hell out of Meereen. Being reminded that this shit is still going on in the books is annoying.

The Arya chapter was good until I saw them do it on the show. Remember when she was hanging out with the theater troupe? Only in the book teaser she killed Raff the Sweetling who doesn’t even matter on the show. The show definitely did this better.

In the Sansa chapter she’s still living in the Eyrie as Littlefinger’s daughter. It’s irritating because that child she’s forced to hang around is so terrible, and because the show has already made her a bad-ass that manipulated the kid into going to war for her.

f3c523cf-0eb6-4eee-9c9e-77312db590bc-180201-game-of-thronesLike I said, at the time these chapters came out I was super excited to have anything else of this series to grab onto. Once the show passed by unreleased book material I was through. Why keep reading about Dorne when I don’t have to watch it on the show anymore? So if books can’t help me maybe the internet can. I scoured the web for fan theories and insane nonsense to bring you the best people-who-watch-on-super-slow-motion, and those-guys-who-can-tell-you-all-about-the-Blackfyre-Rebellion have to offer. I went through a lot of websites, and read a lot of garbage to compile what seem to be the most popular theories out there. Every one of these was mentioned on multiple sites, and that’s about as far as my vetting went. I left out the crazy ones – like Ned Stark being alive, and Jon Snow becoming a White Walker. That shit is just not happening. I’ll tell you which ones I agree with, and which ones are worse than watching Sam and Gilly getting it on.

First is that this is all a story being told by old Maester Sam. It does seem probable, but it’s not exactly an exciting twist or anything. I suppose as long as it’s not someone’s dream or they were all dead the whole time I’d be okay with this ending.

Next we have: everyone dies. While not the most popular theory it would keep up with the show’s (and book) history of killing anyone we might ever care about. Sean Bean has said that he thinks Arya will make it through, but he’s likely a bit prejudiced. Still, it doesn’t seem to be plausible. No show is that mean. I hope…

Bran is in fact The Night King. With how wobbly wobbly timey wimey the show has made him Bran could easily be the Night King and every other Brandon in the Stark family tree. For my satisfaction all Bran really needs to do is tell Jon Snow who his parents are, and then he’s free to go away forever. He’s gotten way too creepy, and I’m not forgiving him for breaking Hodor anytime soon.

Is Tyrion a secret Targaryen? I doubt it, but it’s still a fairly popular theory. The show plays up Tywin’s disdain for his son more than the books do. If Lady Joanna Lannister did bang Aerys Targaryen then I don’t think Tywin would raise their son. I see him as too cold for that. This also held more weight when there were three dragons needing riders. With Viserion all ice zombified we don’t need a third. Jon and Dany will just have to ride alone.

It’s pretty much a given that the Clegane bowl will happen, and I seem to be the only one who doesn’t want it. With so little time left I don’t care about this fight that will add nothing to the story. The Hound has changed so much over the course of the series that he’s sure to win anyway. Why do it if the outcome is a foregone conclusion?

A new one to me is that Arya will kill Jamie and then wear his face to get close enough to Cersei to take her out. That would be kind of cool to watch, but I think there’s a crueler fate waiting for the mad queen.

8f01e299-809c-4a39-8e10-ec1566c5da4f-cd74d4d1bc008b303d16a6650c5607cf4bd79cbfb1aa1367ec5f9ed8691b4956b18f01d61204219b4efc0b8031caed7f-1As in – Jamie kills Cersei fulfilling the prophecy that she dies at the hands of her younger brother. She assumes it’ll be Tyrion, but appears to have forgotten that Jamie is just a few seconds younger than her. She also won’t believe that he’s capable of hurting her, but we’ve certainly seen him give her some dark looks lately. He already killed one crazy ruler so it makes sense that he’d be willing to get rid of another. This feels like a winning theory to me.

Jon/Danaerys will give up claim to the Iron Throne to Danaerys/Jon. Two different theories with two different outcomes. If you look back many seasons to when Dany was in Qarth she had a bunch of visions. Including one of the Iron Throne covered in snow and ice. Foreshadowing to Jon being the one to take the throne? Highly possible.

Of course this is only a smattering of all the theories out there about what we’ll see on the final season. Some of them are gibberish, but several are holding weight with me at least. Even if you think they’re all bunk try to remember that the internet nerds got R+L=J correct years before it was confirmed. Whatever ends up happening I can’t wait for the new season to start. And then I’ll be super sad once it does because it’ll be the last one.

So are there any good theories I missed? Let me know since I won’t be able to get enough of this wild speculation until the show is finally back on.

 

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